a wedding reception

[for my sister and her husband]

this was a labor of love and paper. so many of the ideas were found and catalogued on Pinterest. You can see my board here.

hi sam.

I miss you already.

Love, Billy

who knew payless had such amazing shoes?

Source: payless.com via Marissa on Pinterest

thanks bhldn

cats out of the bag, so i bought this:

Source: bhldn.com via Marissa on Pinterest

here's to friendship that runs deep

here's to the bucket list

here's to ikea trips and sara groves

here's to lil' cuties and silly emails

here's to bad tv and even worse Internet {perezhilton}

here's to friends that are family

here's to a journey that doesn't end just because of state lines.

_________________________________

five years ago, sam and i were an unlikely match.  we were acquaintances both needing a roommate.  what has developed is something for the history books. its something that i treasure. its something worth celebration. and celebrate we will.

i'm a glass case of emotion...

so august is quickly approaching and my life, as we know it, will be thrust into the great wide oregon outdoors. we've known about this transition for a while, but the countdown has begun. i'm having a hard time believing that it's actually happening.

as my time at my job is coming to the end, i'm becoming more emotional about this process than i care to be. i have started saying good bye to students, redistributing my work load, and i wasn't prepared for this to happen so soon. i was convinced i would wait until june 16, pack up my things in a small box, and it would just be over. boy was i wrong.

so, in order for my processing to continue i thought i'd document the top 10 things that i will miss about my job (one bad day and it's all downhill)

10. the flaky pastries at staff break every friday at 10am

9. having fridays off during the summer and almost 2 weeks at christmas

8. higher education

7. working in the admissions office - i wouldn't work anywhere else on campus

6. having my cell phone paid for

5. being a part of a family's journey

4. working with my student workers

3. my co-workers

2. working in THE125 & with one of my best friends (she has the cutest babies)

1. working at a place that strives to honor the Lord

so that's that. the countdown continues and soon enough i'll be starting a new adventure in a new place.

my favorite room in the house. my favorite time of day [10am]

so i'm just wondering: what does life look like after the modern, cool, glittery, perfectly-diyed, country, minimal, pink, jose villa photographed weddings are over?

weddings are a wonderful thing. marriage is something i believe in. it should be celebrated.

but come on.

__________________________________________________________________________________

i struggled all throughout my engagement.  i could feel the dissonance.  leaving my family and starting a new one almost seemed unbearable.  see there is a lot of hurt that happens growing up.  walls come up.  relationships are divided. grandmothers aren't who you thought they'd be. disappointments run rampant. i had decided while facing these hurts in my formative years, my relationships would be reconciled before i got married [became an 'adult'].  well they didn't.

i cried a lot. some people thought i didn't love jacob. anxiety disrupted my sleep. i was sad but i couldn't pin-point what was happening to me. i felt incredibly guilty that my engagement experience didn't reflect the lovely posts on oncewed or style me pretty.

so i held on to the tiny bits of truth that came straight from my gut. jacob was someone that i could trust. he was someone that i wanted to journey with. he wasn't afraid of seeing my shit.  i fought hard against the ugly lies in my head that made those truths silent. really, i still do.

reconciliation is still in the process. its been a point of struggle and intimacy in my marriage. its something that keeps my heart tender. its something worth working towards. i believe this is something i will continue to fight for. and that's ok. and that's what happens after engagement.

have a good saturday.